i want to run in fields and paint the kitchen

I mostly enjoy suspense when I know the time frame that we're working with. At the end of this movie, I will know why the kid sees dead people. I do not enjoy when the mystery is drawn out over an unspecified amount of time. I've already dazzled my way through college, so it's too late to reserve the space to have Life Crisis conversations without sounding whiny, overly emotional, or immature. I get the sense that I am still transitioning, still figuring things out. In the last 24 months, I have changed my address seven times, and I am about to change it again in a month. I am at the point where I would like to know what's happening next, and in the midst of a whirlwind of options and opportunities, I feel comatose, glazed over.

Tomorrow, I will have worked the same job for an entire year, even though it feels much shorter and much longer than that. So little has happened in the last year that it almost seems like I've been too busy. Each day lags but the months slip away. It is helpful knowing that I have other friends who don't have things figured out, but we are becoming the minority. One of my best friends in the entire world is living up to that title by moving to England in a few months. My friends are talking about marriage, which is not frustrating because I'm single, but instead because it showcases a level of planning and structure that has been so elusive for me. It reminds me of eighth grade when the rest of the class flaunted their outlines, notecards and first drafts as I handed Miss Brown my outline with scribbles, two weeks late because I simply couldn't decide on a topic. I'm just a little behind on the preparation, but I'll get there. I think.